My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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