Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize