YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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