oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
