Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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