No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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