apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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