Define "chronic" masturbator.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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