I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
