Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
