I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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