I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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