Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
