At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
