Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
