what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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