I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
