RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
