if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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