Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
