You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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