theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
