She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
