I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
