When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
