as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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