Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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