clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
