Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
