A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
