did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
