also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
