we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
