I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
