i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
