If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
