I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
