Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Sober January is a disaster.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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