I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
