So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
