No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Also, beer. Big fan.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
