we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The adults are the big ones right?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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