so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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