Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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