Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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