she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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