Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My ass is underappreciated
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
