my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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