here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
