I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
