You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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