its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
