You made me cry and you don't even care
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
love makes seman taste better
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
