My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
