Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
