i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
