I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
