he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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