I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
