How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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