I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
