I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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