I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
