why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
