All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
