The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
