As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
