to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
