she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
