you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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