Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
we should paint friendship bongs
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
