this beer tastes like vomit already
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
