How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
