The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
