they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
No stitches, just platelets and will power
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize
