That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
