You're my little dorito
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
