Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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