You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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