Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
