The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
