you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
