I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
