I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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