At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
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